It’s not just a birthday

I’m really struggling with turning 35; like seriously struggling, driver of the struggle bus, captain of the conflict squad, restless toiler of time. Get the point?

I’m not sure why; I don’t think anyone said anything specific to me, it just started to creep up slowly like a ninja and then it pounced like a lion. Out of left field and caught me off guard. BAM! It’s not like my mum sat me down and shared the ups and downs of growing older or the changes I can expect my body to make, nothing like “the birds and the bees” talk.

No one really tells you what starts to happen to you as you get older, it just sort of happens. The resurfacing acne, the aches and pains everywhere, the extra width in areas you didn’t expect. I didn’t think at 35 that I’d have to start reevaluating what I was consuming because it’s giving my acne. Nor did I realize that vitamin supplements were going to be a big part of my daily routine. And why am I getting so tired?

I wonder if the fact that I moved back into my parents’ house had anything to do with it? I’ve been living back home since July and have had to re-enter the job market, which wasn’t according to the plan. I applied to almost every possible serving job in my hometown and it was crickets. I made follow up calls to check in on my application and nothing. No one called me back. I started looking into neighboring cities and finally found a gig at a market/deli/restaurant that was 30 minutes, one way. Seemed like it could be a good work home for a few months. If only I had listened to the girl that was training me on my first day; I should have not gone back my second day. I continued to work there because I thought that maybe with my experiences I could help them create and change for the better. But it was slowly becoming evident that that would not be the case, I was a worker bee that was versatile in many fashions and there was no change in the near future. I had more respect for myself and I needed to get out. Get out I did. The first time ever, I think, I quit before I had another job secured. I took a chance and it ended up working out. I got a job at the local coffee shop, less than 10 minutes from my house, with a group of humans that are top drawer!

The hardest thing about going back to work, for me, is not being in charge. I don’t know if it’s a curse or a calling, but I like to manage and maintain. I like leading people and developing them and helping them grow. I like taking a problem and finding a solution in a manner that may not be so obvious. But there have been a lot of lessons learned from not being the one in charge. I will admit, it has been nice not having that responsibility. One thing I have really latched onto is the necessity of teamwork. It is essential that not only does one do their fullest as an individual, but also as a team. So many more things can be accomplished if we simply just work together. I am a part of a bigger picture not only in my job, but in life. In being here, at home and in my goals to move to Paris. It is taking a team to get me abroad and I’m having to learn and hold on to patience in this process. I am realizing that the team I am procuring and surrounding myself with is becoming a close-knit team that sees my goals and supports them and me 100%.

Maybe turning 35 isn’t as overwhelming as I feel it should be because I am getting older, maybe it’s the overwhelming feeling of love, support, and motivation from those around me that I need to allow the front seat in this wild roller coaster ride that is becoming my life.